Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
