if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
