i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
