I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I miss vodka workout Fridays
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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