A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
