My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
