the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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