It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
