She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
