it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
