ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
