he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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