girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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