so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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