Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
