just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
