I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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