i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
