What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
third nipple confirmed
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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