Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
