White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
