Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
