i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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