Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
