I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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