My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
