my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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