he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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