the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
These tits shall not be calmed
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
