She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
