Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
