i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
