my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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