Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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