Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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