Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
