did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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