you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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