I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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