1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Drunk is not a location!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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