I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
