I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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