4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
