Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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