Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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