I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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