If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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