onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
