remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize