i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
