I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
