It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
